HIMYM A Tale of Two Stinsons
by Mesmorized
Summary: Ted Shares some of his favorite stories of the gang interacting with their doppelgängers. Barney has always had it all. The women, the friends, the money and of course the "legend" wait for it" ary" stories. But someone from his past has decided he wants pay back . And is using the Stinson brothers unknowing twin as a means to make it all happen.
1. Chapter 1

Kids you recalled a time when your Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall where trying to get pregnant, but decided to wait on the uninverse to show them all our counter parts first. And your uncle Barney was the last to be seen and his just happened to be their fertility doctor. Will there's more ways he helped us all than in just that scenerio, that I failed to mention. Such as the time we needed him to prove Barneys innocence because of his surprisingly Evil twin brother who set him up to take the fall for him to go to prison, And yes I said evil twin, how cliche is that! Arnie Stinson was his name and he's bounced around from more foster homes than the problem child in the 90s.

But let's start off from the beginning. Our story actually takes place as one of our groups darkest period in our lives.  
Clinton correctional facility in Donnemora, NY. In late July 2013. Barneys old boss was waiting to go to trial after the Feds had him on multiple charges for corporate; embezzlement, fraud, perjury. Just to name a few.

A tall gray and boading man approaches a glass in the prison visitor center. With him he carries an ominous large yellow envelope, that would lead to a series of events, that's going to change the 5 close friends all together.

The man takes a seat in a chair across from his client and close cousin, the two men pick up the receivers.

"Charlie, you get what I asked for ?" Inquires the jail mate holding the receiver close to his mouth and cups his hands over the phone.  
"Cuzzo, who do think your talking to?" Charlie says confidently in a deep mobster style NY accent. He holds his hands up as if to be held at gun point. " Don't I always come thru. But look getting this wasn't easy either. Had to pay everything but a braccio and gamba , so I hope it's worth it like you say."

" oh it's worth it alright, that's son of bitch ratted me out and is the reason I'm locked up in here and not making my money or helping the family and he's gonna pay" his hoarse voice strained from Aungish and attempting not to cause a scene that would draw attention to their meeting. " And I want him in here..with me, where I can make everyday of his putrid existence pure hell"

"You know I'm always willing to help, But I got to tell you " Charlie leans in closer and looks around. "This guy you sending in after him , total nut job, rumor has it he's got a multiple personality disorder, not to mention his record. While impressive the family wouldn't touch this with a 10 foot pole. So their washing their hands of this matter if anything goes sour"

The inmate smiles "the only _sour_! thing I see happening is how his face will look when he see's me rearranging his organs. With a dull butter knife and rusty ice pick.

The visitor called "Cousin Charlie" sighs, sadden at the state his family has fallen into.  
"Will we found him, all you have to say is go and plans are put into rotation."

The inmate presses his face against the glass and grits his teeth. "GO!"

Charlie puts down the receiver and removes the tabs from the envelope. He reaches his hand inside and pulls out a picture.  
A mugshot of a dark haired, lips pierced, Barney Stinson lookalike , wearing a AC/DC Tattoo on the upper left side of his chest, that's scarcely covered by his black leather vest.

He presses the photo against the glass and picks up the phone again "Is this the guy?"

The inmate Hoovers over his chair. His eyes widen and bloodshot. He looks at the key characteristic of Barneys look alike.  
The narrow sucken in doe eyes. Soft features and chiseled chin with that smug smile. Definitely a perfect replica.

But at the same time. This man in the mugshot suffered, pained by the memories of no mother, nor brother or father, at least not a good one. No friends to hang out with or a regular pub to drink and joke at. No woman for company or tailor made suits. And no real reason to smile everyday.

No this man was not Barney Stinson. This man was broken, a criminal, and parasite to the he city and all who knew him.  
A low life thief whose earliest memories he could recall was late night beatings from a drunk father. No foster home truly wanted him and no school wanted take the time to teach him.

This man was his greatest ally right now and Barneys worst nightmare.

3:15 pm MacLarens Pub.  
Barney, Ted, Tracy, Lily, Marshall and The new Mrs. Stinson,Robin. Were sitting down at there usual table drinking there normal drinks and catching up while they still could for one last time.

"So you two, how was Belize?" Asks newcomer to the group Tracy. Their wedding bands bass player and Teds new girlfriend.  
"I heard the weather this time of year is pretty nice."  
"Yea Barney your suntan looks bronzer than ever" Lily notices  
"Tan, puh-leaze" he circles his face " no hun, all natural" . He takes a sip of his scotch and nods at Tracy with a smirk.  
"Yea ok, as natural as the hair on Lily's head" Robin snarks.  
" Hey I am too a natural redhead " Lily defends  
"That's what you said about the blonde look you had"  
She remembered a time Lily Dyed her hair all blonde back in 2008 and insisted on telling everyone it was her natural color and she looked good. ( it wasn't and she didn't)  
" it was a phase...and what's got you all in super BITCH! mode"  
Robins sighs" I'm sorry " she apologizes " I didn't mean to take it out on you and Belize was wonderful Tracy. My job wants me to report to Argentina for location and SOMEONE! " she nods her head over at Barney whose clearly the culprit at root for her animosity." Is putting me thru hell about going."  
"I'm sorry, was that directed towards me, because I don't recall you asking me , only barking orders and an occasional growl. Like worlds most vicious chihuahua " he sips his scotch.  
"It's my job Barney, you knew sooner or later, I would have to report somehwhere else to work other than NY"  
" yes I know and do you realize I cut my honeymoon-"

" our honeymoon" Robin interrupts

" my honeymoon a whole 30 weeks short" he whimpers " so selfish"

" Barney" Lily intervenes " i don't know if you realize it or not but most couples go away for only a few days to a couple weeks, how long did you expect you guys to be gone?"  
" gone? oh the usual length of time" Barney states " gone for 2 months after the wedding, come back turn my boss into the Feds, then gone another 5 months , now I have to start back all over again"  
"Wait , you mean to tell me we only came back so you could finish your stupid revenge from almost 2 decades ago" Robin flares.  
" stupid revenge" his voice trails off. Barney stares off for a second " wait yup.. that's pretty much it" he takes another sip of his drink. " oh and to check on my babies "

That's right kids, Robin and Barney have been back for a few weeks and the first place he checks is his closet.

" why didn't you just tell me that's what it was for, instead of me being utterly pissed off and mad this entire time we've been back"  
Barney looks into the eyes of his new bride. And realized how little he's thought of her most of this trip, and how much he put her thru since there arrival back in the states. He reaches for her hand in effort to console his wife and looks into her eyes "I'm sorry Robin, I've been selfish and for that I apologize ,I knew eventually we would likely be traveling for your job and for that reason I needed to finish this before we did. So when the time does come ,I can be there to fully attend to and support " he pauses for a brief second" my wife" those words weighed on everyone. The meaning behind it was more profound than they all could ever imagine. Barney Stinson a lover, friend and now Husband.

"Awe " Lily dotes "that's was so beautiful , how come you never say anything like that to me Marshall" she slaps the upper left of his arm.  
"Um, Excuse me child, am I not going with you to Rome?" He says in the most diva-ish voice ever and snaps his fingers.  
"Point taken" Lily slopes down further into her seat , without hurting her newly found baby bump.

"That's great you guys. Lily and Marshall will be leaving for Rome, Barney and Robin for Argentina, feels like everyone's finally moving foward now," he raises he drink in the air " Hey salude" and soon everyone follows suit. Robin and Barney with their scotch. Marshall with a Daquiri and Lily with water and Tracy with a Beer.

Ted smiles thinking about everything that has happen to get them all to this point and it was magical in its own little way.

Tracy leans over and whispers in his ear. "Do you think you need to go somewhere to?"

Ted looks at his friends .Lily wrapped in Marshalls arm and him rubbing her stomach carrying their second expecting child.

And Barney and Robin , sipping scotches and steering off at the television watching some game. He looks over at Tracy and says " No , you are my somewhere. And I don't want to go anywhere your not."

"Always the romanitc" she kisses him. And for a Moment everything was perfect.

"ALRIGHT, I GOT A PROPOSAL" yells Carl to his reg pub patrons. " who ever can help me do inventory for a few hours  
I'll clear your bar tab and the rest of the year your drinks are on me, " people start to murmur and suddenly anxious to help" 2 drinks a day max" then they weren't .

"Challenge accepted " Barney stands to his feet and rushes to the bar to see what he can do .

"He does realize MacLarens isn't a mobile drinking service, right?" Marshall ask Robin.

"Nope, but what kind of wife would I be to kill his dreams" Robin smiles and sips her drink all while thinking, that's my husband,

"Alright if you could do me a favor first before we start, and take out this trash bag to the dump in the back of the store, that'll be a real help." Carl points to the bag of trash with a rancid smell of wasted food and expired alcohol.

"What is it?" Barney scowls his face at the task at hand.

" just your everyday Barhold items, food, drinks and bathroom residue"

Barney looks at his clothes .So clean cut fresh looking " Anything that can stain a limited douche double breasted suit with diamond cufflings, that cost about 2 craploads ?"

Carl looks him up And down,head to toe " most definitely " he says " if I was use I'd change or take off what you like the most and leave it here" on that note he walks in the other direction with clipboard in hand.

Barney removes his jacket ,vest and tie and lays them on the counter. He then begins to pull the trash from the tin bin. He immediately starts retching from the smell and rushes to the back of the store thru the exit , leaving a trail of sludge and slim behind him. He throws the trash into the dumpster.

" oh god, I got some in my mouth" as he leans over and begins to vomit.  
Suddenly he hears foot steps approach him from behind " oh buddy you ok?" The stranger asks.  
Not recognizing the voice he just assumes its a worried passerbyer.

"Not even close " he answers not looking up.

"That's sucks" the guy puts his hand on his shoulder and leans in" cause it's about to get a whole lot worse".  
Suddenly Barney feels a sharpe object in his neck assuming a needle of some kind. And he passes out, falling to the feet of the stranger and in his own waste.

When Barney begins to finally awake , he's laying in a bed of some crappy possibly bug infested motel. The room was dark but he could make out some objects every now and again from the flashing neon red light outside. He was laying down on squeaky full bed with cotton and floral patted sheets. Next to him a black end table Rickety and uneven as the clock was falling to the side. The walls with peeled paint and a decade of grime dust Moss and most likely lead behind floor with ripped up pieces of Carpet and corners of missing wood and holes in the walls. At one point he thought he seen a mouse or roach crawl thru it. The bathroom light was on but flickering the tub processed a ring and the sink was hanging slightly and a constant dripping sound that sounded louder than it actually was, he knew they was kitchen somwhere but the light couldn't reach it from either side . He can hear the mumbles of loud neighbors screaming and children yelling.

Dizzy, he can barely make out the time on the clock next to him .11:17. _What the hell, that can't be right ,he thinks._

Suddenly a banging at the door growing louder and more intense with every knock.  
"Wait a minute" he tries to say but can barely mutter a word out his mouth. Still dazed from the drug, a side effect not yet worn off.

"Mr. Stinson , we know your in there. By order of the NYPD, you are to open this door immediately and come out with your hands up or we will be forced to break it down."

"One second" he tries to push the words out Again , still nothing.

On the count of 3 Mr. Stinson ..1" the policeman yells on the other side of the door. Barney Manages to push himself up. His body in pain. Mostly coming from his neck and on the left side of his chest. He looked down and noticed gauze where the burning and stinging sensation was coming from.

"2 ,Mr. Stinson " the voice barks again. He also noticed his nails. Painted black and his clothes. Some torn denim jeans ,leather cowboy boots and a black jean jacket with the arms cut off. " _what the hell am I wearing" he asked puzzled._

"3 Mr. Stinson ,where coming in" Before he knew what had taken place two policemen , a white officer with a mustache and a black one with a goatee, both almost the same build and height of 5'9 maybe 6'0 ft even and 2 hundreds and some odd pounds. Had his smaller frame pinned to the floor and handcuffed.

"Mr. Arnie Stinson?"  
"Barney" Barney corrected as they lifted him to his feet.  
"Arnie Stinson , you are under arrest for the following charges of grand larceny, kidnapping drug trafficking and theft"  
"What are you talking about,?" He wiggles around attempting to free himself from their grasp " I demand you set me free , at once and let me call my lawyer"  
"Oh you'll be calling your lawyer alright" says the officer with the mustache " and about 20 years to go with it" both of the officers laugh. " brother in blue high five " says the African-American policemen and they both slap hands.

As Barney gets dragged along out the door where faces of bewildered strangers gawk and stare from there doorways ,and some children in the hall, he catches a quick glance of himself, In a cruddy mirror on the wall. He sees his hair has been dyed a jet black , hes wearing eye liner and a lip ring in the corner of his mouth.

While these men are looking for someone who definitely isn't him Barney notices, then again he didn't look anything quite like himself either.


	2. Chapter 2

Here's the thing about life. You never know what's going to happen, who you'll meet or even how it will turn out. Even more so when you think you know everything and then something or, in your Uncle Barney's case, someone! will come by and change all that. But, to know the rest of that story, I have to tell you another.

Arnie Stinson, by any other means, was just like Barney. A child who had a loving family for what he could believe. A con man with a love for own desires, and a sketchy career no one close to him could even begin to understand. But again, Arnie was NO Barney!

The loving family he knew only existed in the television. The cons he pulled were more threatening than for sport or catching a lovely young woman and the sketchy career he chose was more crooked than signing a few papers and has sent him to jail more times than anyone could count on both hands together.

Arnie grew up with a drunken father, one who had a bad reputation with police and should never have been allowed to handle any blunt or potentially dangerous instruments. The vague memories he had of a mother and siblings were simply passing thought, but they were only thoughts that helped him wake up every morning for all the days of his life. He could recall every detail of every morning to his evening routines of living with his father clearly to this day.

Eight A.M. he'd awake to a hoarse voice, if he wasn't already up, of a drunken man he called "father" standing in his doorway with a half empty beer bottle in his hand. By the smell lingering from his breath, he could tell it wasn't the first or last. He always wore the same clothing, regardless of color or pattern. He'd wear a flannel shirt in black and red to a dark coal and indigo. Somehow the pockets were always torn and ripped and there were always cigarette burns located somewhere on his rolled up sleeves. There were so many nights he had to take the cancer stick out of his old man's hands when he fell asleep watching the television in his lazy boy, just so he wouldn't set fire to himself or the house and his pants were always sagging like he never possessed a belt. They were discolored and stained with grass, oil and dirt. The hems were tattered and shredded. This man he called "father" reached 6'0" even and possibly weighed between 250 and 300 lbs. His face was always read as if he had been crying and cheeks were puffy yet narrow at the same time. He had buzz cut hairstyle with gray everywhere from his goatee and mutton chops to the hair on his head, nose, and ears.

He'd kick the child a few times with what he called "love taps" to the gut. Once to get him up, two times to make sure he stayed up, and a third just to show that he could.

"Time for breakfast you little shit!" He'd say with a sour voice. Although, you'd think the food was already cooked and ready to eat; you'd be wrong. Arnie was expected to make eggs, toast and coffee, wash dishes, shower, iron both of their clothes and go to school; and if something was wrong he was expected to figure it out and fix it. "And don't be late!"

However, between 7 and 8 am he should have already been at school and in class, but due to a lack of proper parenting and time, he only knew when to get up by the time his dad came into the house. After this became a regular occurrence for an uncountable number of times, the school board, truancy and child protective services eventually became involved, but only made some of the matters worse for Arnie in the beginning. Until proper channels helped get him out of his care and into custody. But this took some time, as Arnie would not speak and neither would his dad.

Since the father could barely manage to pay his bills on time, arranging to make breakfast was even more of task. All he could hope for was waiting for him to fall asleep in his chair, waiting on food to be done. Then he could sneak a quick and cold shower, search through his basket of clothes from his limited apparel, then rush out the back door and walk about 1 mile to school.

Once there, a little after 10, some of his concerned teachers would ask questions, but he said nothing. So he was allowed to take his seat in the back of the class quietly, while his peers snickered and stared in his direction making idle laughter. He'd try to follow along the rest of the way in his books but had a hard time. He could barely keep up since he rarely had the opportunity to do his homework, which was needed to understand the work in front of him.

If he was lucky, he made it in time for lunch which was at 10:45 am. This was the highlight of his day. He looked forward to the choices in spaghetti or taco and jello or fruit cup and definitely loved his milk and juice. He often had to steal money out of his dad's wallet to eat, but this was one thing he often got away with since he normally spent money literally every night on alcohol and very little food. He could never seem to recall where it all went at times.

Arnie would find himself sitting in the back of the cafeteria eating alone. He did manage to make one friend though, a mouse he named Mickey that took refuge in their school. He would sometimes give him crust off his bread when he saw him and have little talks. He imagined when he took off running with the food he gave him, he was running back to feed his family and tell them of the nice boy he met and share stories with them. That was until the school janitor realized he existed a few weeks later. Then one day he was caught, found dead in a mouse trap. Arnie was sad at first but was left to face an inevitable truth, that anything he truly cared for would eventually leave him in some form or another. Such a sad tale for a child to learn so young.

Once school ended for the day he got on the bus and sat quietly alone. Kids left him be and called him names like "dirty" and "weird", even bullies wanted nothing to do with him though. At home, he could expect one of two things to happen. First option was his old man slumped down in his chair, quiet and watching TV. He'd then see him and say "make us something to eat".

Now 9 times out of 10 if there was food for breakfast, there was something for dinner. So he'd reach in the cabinet and see what he could make. It most likely would come out of a can such as: beef stew or chicken and dumplings. So he'd open it up, put it in a pot on the stove and let it warm. Then he would grab a slice of bread from off the counter and place 1 slice on each of the plates. Finally he would grab some milk out the fridge for him and a beer his dad, but he never ate with Arnie. Never asked how was he doing or about school. He didn't care that he could barely read or had hardly any clothes to wear. And he definitely never mentioned his mother. Although once Arnie did get the courage to ask and his father became red in the face. He swore he'd let him have it. Instead though, he grabbed his coat and just left for a few drinks, by the time he returned in the morning he acted like nothing happened and started the cycle all over again. When dinner was over he cleaned their spoons and plates, take his bath and go to bed. Unless his father had to work then he'd watch TV until he was ready to fall asleep.

The second choice was not as easy. His father would be standing in the doorway waiting on his son to get home, once inside the he'd catch a fist to the shoulder blade and arm and then kicked to the floor.

"Next time I better see something to eat before you go." It was an age old story he grown used to. He'd tried before explaining there was no food but in his father eyes there were no excuses. He felt the wrath of his belt against his body wherever it landed and as long as he had the breath to do it. So quiet and a few punches was better than the alternative. He'd then began to pick himself up and bathe before he found himself in his room, groveling in pain and weeping as quiet as possible not to disturb or disgust his father.

Once the school could no longer ignore the child who could barely make it to school on time or the rumors he was being abused. They searched for facts, only to find out some stuff was far more disturbing. Such as that he slept on a stained cot on the floor, he barely had a change of clothes and possessed nothing recreational, except two toys he found on the school playground. Other things like him not being able to read properly at his grade level played a major factor too, test scores were low and he'd never turned in a single assignment.

Now with the information they had, he was taken from the man who barely cared and he was placed in police custody for child abuse and neglect. He went from being with the man who barely cared at all to people he knew didn't.

The foster homes mom, called Mod for some peculiar reason, had a number of children of her own and agreed to take him in. But, she cared not and showed no compassion or love to Arnie in the slightest. She didn't bother to buy him new clothes but gave him hand me downs. Though the food was better and he wasn't expected to cook. But, she didn't bother to buy him toys and suggested he kept his mouth shut because he could end up in far worse place than hers. The upside however was her children, particularly her daughter Alice.

Alice was very sweet and always nice to him. She brought him toys often, even if they were dolls and teacups. She liked to sneak him snacks too after Mod refused to give him any. They were the same age yet very different. Alice was a prodigy and had several scholarships, she was attending an all-girls academy where she received better education and friends. She even taught him how to read properly and helped him on class assignments and homework.

As time went on for almost 2 years he was happy and infatuated with Alice. They even had their first kiss with each other. However, Mod felt they were getting too close and didn't want him ruining her daughter's life. She decided his time with her family was over and called his social worker. She then lied to them and said he was a menace and caused her nothing but grief lately. He was lewd and inappropriate often all the times, and even made a sexual pass at her daughter. When asked about pressing charges,she simply replied no and she only wanted him gone", and so gone he was.

After that it went all downhill, 6 foster homes and he had cared for none. He was now an empty shell and found his feelings were almost nonexistent. At 18 he was a burden and drain on the system to everyone including his social worker. So when he was no longer in the care of anyone. He dropped out of school and hung out with some other people like him. A pollution to the city and parasite to society.

These guys became his family and everyone was treated the same. Whatever they wanted, they got. His closet allies were Trac, PJ, and Busta. They did anything and everything from stealing to grand theft at the time, going to bigger jobs the older they got. Trac, was a roughneck redhead with freckles, his forehead stretched way too far out and although he was the oldest at 23, he was the smallest standing at 5'7. As the oldest member he got the group alcohol and cigarettes. PJ (also known as Peanut Butter and Jelly) was the biggest of their crew, 5'9 but 223 lbs, he had curly black hair and loved track suits at 20 his thing was lifting. If anyone wanted anything with or without sensors, he was the guy to go to. No one understood how but he got it done. And Busta was 19, he was 6'2 and the pretty boy type. Nice smile, green eyes and blonde hair. He always worked out and stayed in shape. His thing was women. He loved them more than anything and they loved him back; if he ever needed anything they were more than happy to help him: money, clothes, shoes, anything. Age didn't matter either, the older the better. He even had a stripper friend once, named Candy she'd sneak them in the club for free when the owner was in the back counting and as long as she gave Vincent the bouncer favors now and again he'd look the other way.

Arnie, well he was the youngest and had nothing really to offer. He could get drugs but so could the rest of the guys. So what was he mostly sufficient at? Threats. Just because of his age he wasn't to be taken lightly. He didn't care about your weight or age. Who you knew or where you came from. Cross him or any of his friends and he'd beat you to an inch of your life and not bat an eye. He wasn't so much the bravest or strongest, just the one who gave the least fucks. He was even sent to Juvie for a small time after running away from his last foster home. He was 17 and already caught a battery and assault charge, but due to his age the charges were dropped and it never landed on his record. He didn't stop, he just managed to never get caught again.

Now to get to the story presently. We'd have to skip a decade or so. Fast forwarding to the year 2013. We come across Arnie again at a gentlemen's club called Masquerade co-owned by Busta. Thanks to the help of the ladies and group, he managed to set up a somewhat flourishing and legal business.

"Hey Arnie, some fatso came by the club looking for you." Busta said to his longtime friend. He was sat down at a table in the back of the club in the small office space, watching his girls on the security camera. It was Valentine's Day at the club and the men love to get extra feely this time around. He had to make sure that they were safe. "He said you might be interested in what he had to say."

"Did he say what it was about?" Arnie sat down on the table in the office across from his friend, grabbing a piece of hard candy out of the bowl next to him. He unwraps it and places the caramel flavored sugary sweet in his mouth and begins to suck.

"Nope, just that he'd be back by at 5." Busta leans back in his seat and counts his money. "I told him that's when you're likely to be in."

Arnie continues to suck on the candy "Well whatever he's looking for, I don't have it."

"How do you know he's looking for something?"

"I don't, but that PJ's field anyway."

Busta chuckles "Maybe PJ stole his scale."

"Or maybe you stole his girl."

"Aye, only chicks I touch are the non-married kind."

"What are you talking about? Half your girls have husbands."

"Yeah and those are the ones I don't touch, I have standards."

"And plus Bunny would kick your ass"

"And I'd let her"

Then there's a knock at the door. Busta looks on the security cam to see that it's Bunny, his best girl. She was dressed like a giant bow and wearing a red wig. That was his thing about Masquerade. No one was allowed to give their real names and everyone was to be in a costume of some kind. Wigs, Mask or outfits, club rules. Kept the girls safe and it went with the theme for the club: every girl was a mystery.

Bunny was his favorite girl though, blue eyes, normally dark black hair, and cola figure, 5'8 with a long set of legs with 38Ds to match and just the right amount of makeup.

"Speak of the devil". He buzzed her in.

"Hey Busta, Valentine feeling a little queasy tonight, I'm thinking of telling her to go home, what you think?"

"Anything you think is good babe." smiles Busta biting down on his lip staring at Bunny's body. The Ribbon like outfit was wrapped around her breasts and covered her backside and frontal area like a thong." OK, I'll tell Cupid to take her place. Oh Arnie there's a guy here for you sitting at table 12" as she takes her leave Busta looks into camera 5 seating tables 10 thru 15 and sure enough…

"Yup that's the guy that was here earlier."

Busta points towards a tall boding man with a low haircut and beer in his hand sitting down to watch the show.

"You mean Big Gray in the leather jacket and Cosby look alike sweater?" Arnie asks, not recognizing the guy.

"Yup that's him, want me to call Trac or something?" Busta reaches for the phone.

"No, I got him just watch me" his hand stretched out over the phone to stop his friend.

"Let me see what he wants." Arnie walks to the floor where the strippers are chatting up guests and giving them lap dances, men focus firmly on their bodices but knowing they can't touch was the hardest effort but the club's biggest rule. There's smoking everywhere, men shouting and throwing their hard earned cash with explicit music playing loudly in the speakers. The strobe lights are flashing with multiple colors of the spectrum over the walls. He walks straight to the gentlemen that's staring off at the catwalk watching Chocolate take the stage. A very beautiful mixed chick who looked like Halle Berry and wearing chocolate covered edible bras and panties.

Once he approaches the table, he grabs the chair from another and sits on it backwards.

"Heard that you were looking for me! " Arnie yells as best as he can, getting his words across the noise.

"Yea Arnie Stinson, correct?" he asks, not taking his eye off the stage.

"Why?" He raises a brow, "who wants to know?"

"I'm going to the John, follow me." The guy stands up and proceeds to the restroom. Arnie looks at the camera and signals a 1 and 2 on his fingers, which was a code they came up with to watch the bathroom door. He then gets up and follows the guy.

In the bathroom, the smell of piss hung thick in the air .Traces of TP was on the floor and the lights flickered on and off, as in the scene of some scary movie. The man's standing at the urinal and is taking a leak.

"Ah god, 2 beers and I'm running like a faucet." he groans

"I've never met you before that I recall." Arnie inquires. He's never been one for small talk.

"Straight to it I see." the guy chuckles. " he zips his pants and flushes. Then walks towards him. Arnie gets in a fighting stance.

"Chill out Otto." he reaches over for the soap "You mind? You're kind of in the way." Arnie moves, and he reaches over to the dispenser. Pushes a few pumps. Then turns on the water and proceeds to wash his hands for 3 minutes. Making sure to clean under his nails, between the fingers and gets a good lather worked out.

"Are you gonna start anytime soon?" Arnie asks, getting irritated.

"It's called hygiene. I don't know about you, but I'm very big on it." says the man. He grabs a couple of paper towels and dries off his hands before throwing them in the trash can.

"First off I'm Charlie, it's nice to meet you Mr. Stinson." He reaches his hand out for a shake. Arnie, skeptical at first but then decides to shake his hand quickly and then lets go.

"Now for business, this may take some time for me to explain. I don't like to be interrupted and I'm not answering questions. All I'm looking for is a yes or no answer when I'm done." He said with a very serious demeanor.

Arnie, confused by the man's audacity to talk to him in such a manner, almost made him lose it but, then he suddenly had his interest and ears.

"Go on" Arnie says.

"Excellent, again this may take time. I won't be answering questions since I don't have the proper ones to give you, only what's in the folder." He pulls out a large folder containing documents of some kind and he was pretty sure photos.

"I will tell you what you need to know and what I can. You look thru these files and decide if what I'm saying is correct and valuable enough to borrow your time. After that we'll come to the agreement of monetary funds, what we want and how we expect everything to go." He pauses "Again, are we in at an understanding?" Again Arnie shakes his head.

"Alright then." he clears his throat and cracks his neck side to side. "My name is Charlie, that is all you will call me. Your name is Arnie Stinson, born July 23, 1975 in Port Richmond, Staten Island; though you were probably told different in an effort to hold you back a grade and keep your identity hidden. Your parents are Loretta Stinson and Jerome Whittaker. You were believed to be the child of Robert Moss the man who raised you, however, this is not the case. Your mother had slept with multiple partners. The man she got with believed he fathered two boys you and your twin brother Barney. For some time you were all together and quite happy until you got sick and needed a blood transfusion, your 'father' Mr. Moss offered his blood to save you. When it came back you weren't a match this could only mean you weren't his child. Out of hate, outrage, anger, denial and pretty much just to piss off and get back at your mom. Mr. Moss took you from your loving mom and brothers and raised you as an only child. He beat you senseless as a resentment to the woman he loved and trusted. He continued to raise you from ages 3-10. The fact you survived his brutality that many years is beyond me I mean, the shit you must have been through." he shakes his head and pauses for an instant almost upset and in disbelief.

"Anyways, after he was sent to prison serving a 30 year sentence for more than child abuse and neglect obviously. He came across my cousin Tony who use to be your brothers boss. He told him everything we now know. You keeping up so far?" He asks. Arnie was in a daze and trying to keep up but the man named Charlie was putting him at a disadvantage, none of this could be real, yet he knew his childhood as if he was there, he shakes his head as to agree.

"Good, now Mr. Stinson, my cousin is a lucrative business man like your friend Busta, all he ever did was help our family and for that he was betrayed by "your brother". What we're seeking is retribution. Now, you have a few charges against you. What we'd like is for you to go to New York, take your brother's place and send him to prison in yours. With a few extras padded in there. Where offering $100,000 dollars to get you started, obviously a new wardrobe and look and a chance to meet the family you didn't know. Whether you get revenge or just play the good son. Is entirely up to you. All we need is a yes or no. I'll give you until closing to think it over." As he prepares to walk off, he stops and asks.

"Quick question, why Valentine 's Day in July and not an independent day theme?" Arnie wanted to say it was random theme that was chosen by the ladies but he couldn't mutter anything. "It's fine I'll ask the girls" and walks off.

Baffled and lost He takes a minute to get his thoughts together. _What just happened?_ he asks himself over and over again. His hands shaking, body trembling as he goes to open the envelope. Inside are birth, dental and criminal records. It also had a forged birth certificate changing the dates he was older by two years. Pictures of him, blood information, mother's maiden name and his real fathers and his two brothers: Including his likeness, Barney Stinson.

He realized how happy he looked. The blonde hair, the smile, suits, and surrounded by people, friends perhaps. And one woman he was kissing and then sees a Marriage license. Suddenly everything falls out of his hands. He doesn't know why, they just fell to his feet. Documents and pictures of everyone including Alice who he hadn't seen in years. Not since they were 12. Smiling in her window, laughing actually.

Why did they want his brother so bad? Then thinks,brother? What brother? Where was he when he needed a friend or where was he to take the punches and emotional, mental and physical abuse? And mom, why the hell didn't she look for him? Where the fuck was everyone when _he_ needed them? Suddenly the loss and hopelessness he felt was gone and replaced by anger and fury. So, he walked over to Charlie, after getting the papers together and says : "Yes!" And throws the folder on the table. Then sits down and asks.

"What do you need me to do?" With that they set things in motion.

His hair color was dyed and given a fresh cut, they gave him a range of suits of Armani, Dolce and even Gucci. And proper classes on Barney's life. From the name of his friends and hangouts to his mannerisms. When ready they sent him to New York and had him follow his twin. Which led to an encounter where he found himself behind the alley of a bar called MacLaren's Pub. Here he found Barney faced away from him and puking. He slowly approaches.

"Oh, buddy, you ok?" He asks inching closer and closer.

Without looking up Barney answers.

"Not even close." He feels a smug smile coming on.

"That sucks!" he says placing his hand on his shoulder. He leans and whispers , " because it's about to get much worse." He then jabs the needle given to him by Charles into the unknowing Barney Stinson. As he falls to his feet and into his own waste. A van pulls up and a few guys working with him throw Barney into the van where his hair is washed and dyed,clothes changed and a tattoo just like his own of AC/DC, is placed on his chest.

He calls in a tip to the cops that the man named Arnie Stinson has been seen entering a motel. A few hours later after proper warrants are put together. He exists in custody with the policemen and is hauled off.

"So long," he smiles, " Brother."


	3. Chapter 3

No one seemed to notice for the first couple of hours that Barney Stinson, was suppose to be helping Carl with inventory, that he was indeed drugged and being patted to look like his twin Arnie. At this point Ted, Robin and the rest of the friends were still sitting down at there usual table drinking their usual drinks. They were laughing smiling, joking so on and so fourth. They didn't even notice they were being watched from a tight dark corner of the bar by the man named cousin Charlie. He decided to sit in from a far amongst the friends to make sure no one went in search of their now missing Barney. And wanted to make sure Arnie had enough time to change into his clothes, remove his wallet and add any features he didn't possess at the moment, that could single him out. such as the cologne by Tommy Hilfiger he wasn't wearing or the messy hair do with some sort of product he couldn't quite make out but mostly the unmistakable tan he received from his Honeymoon trip to Belize, he managed to find a quick tanning salon within 50 miles of the place but, he knew he was still cutting it short. He opted for the quick spray, he knew it probably wouldn't stop questions but at least for the time, he could pause them. And if he was lucky enough the group would be just a little to tipsy to notice or care. His skin was sticky only for roughly 10-15 mins but as soon as it dried he immediately got dressed and headed over to the bar.

"OMG, that was prolly the worst decision I ever made " Robin erupted out loud "Eating a half eaten hot dog off the subway." she shook her entire body as if she had suddenly caught shivers.

"So why on earth would you do it?" asked Ted with an even more disturbed look

"I don't know I was just sooo-hungry and I hadn't eaten all day, but, you know the saddest part is, it was so good" Robin placed a napkin on top of her face as to hide the shaming look and to steer clear of the disapproving faces.

"Oh that's nothing" chimed in Tracy." We had a gig once in Queens, and I seen a homeless guy on the side of the road, I picked him up and offered to take him to shelter near by, and he in return offered me something that looked nothing like a brine cucumber out of a pickle jar"

"And you ate it?" asked Ted in disgust.

"I want to say no...so bad" Tracy said thru sucked teeth. "I was being polite"

"You were already taking the guy to a homeless shelter, do you really think the man cared if you ate his non-pickle or not?"

"I don't know and I just thought it couldn't be to bad, he was eating it after all" she took a sip of her beer "I figured even he had standards."

"He's homeless, my love standards to him is taking a dump inside a bucket"

"Ted that's so insensitive, this guy was very nice and turned out I knew some of his work"

"How?"

"He thought he was the reincarnation of Jimmy Hendrix." Tracy laughed

"Will that's nothing Marshall and I had a bet once who could make the worst meal" added Lily.

"That had to be difficult to do, with you being this amazing cook" said Robin now, showing her face.

"It was before all that, back in college"

"Oh yeah I remember that, you had to get your stomach pumped" Ted pointed at Lily "And Marshall had missed like 3 days of class"

"Yea violent diarrhea" Marshall smiled as if it was a good memory " It was one of my best I cant leave the bathroom moments"

"Jeez, What in the Hell did you guys make?" asked Robin.

"I honestly cant remember I literally blacked out, and didn't wake up till after my stomach was emptied." Lily said wide eyed and with a wandering face.

"Yeah only thing I remember is something to do with a blender, alcohol, Funyuns and a variety of near spoiled meats" answered Marshall, rubbing his stomach.

"Near spoiled?" Ted looked over to his friends "the fridge in our dorm room was broken for days and I warned you everything in there was bad"

"Oh yea my moms 7 layers salad" Marshall remembered

"Right the mayonnaise" Lily snapped her fingers.

"Eww- what is wrong with your guys , how could you put your body thru that kind of physical and emotional turmoil." Teds face was now sour and his stomach churned .

"Oh come on Ted, what about you and Marshall and the Pizza incident" Lily recalled.

"That was pizza from an establishment that was open under a very low bar for health and food regulation"

"Yea honey but, still its just food." said Tracy smiling him " Granted you can die from food poisoning though, but still food"

"Yea its a cross between curiosity and testing to see how much the body the can take" Lily added.

"So go bungee jumping or electrocute yourself for gods sake , don't but your body thru that sort of physical hell"

"Oh come on Mrs. Prude. There's gotta be somethings you've done too that was unnecessary or unheard of" Robin said as she sipped her scotch.

"Yea its called Alcohol poisoning or unprotected sex with a complete stranger." Ted answered, but instantly regretting it the moment the sentence left his lips.

"You..had unprotected sex, with a stranger" Marshall asked eye brows raised .

The table suddenly grew silent as all eyes were on Ted, for what seemed like an eternity.

Suddenly the awkwardness had broken when Arnie entered the pub and sat down next to Robin, like nothing was array.

"What's going, bros" he said. Robin stared at him with a somewhat icy look. "And bro-detts" he said

"Not now babe, Ted was just about to tell everyone the time he had unprotected sex with a stranger."

Thinking this was one of the moments Barney would usually speak up he raised his hand "What's up Mosby getting some raw strange, wing-man high five." He paused his hand in the air and waited for a slap. But suddenly all eyes were on him now. Realizing he may have made a mistake. He slowly lowered his hand to his side, steered up at the t.v and took a sip of the drink in front of him. _Scotch?_ He thought , a very subtle and burning sensation made its way down his throat. Something unlike anything he's ever had . It wasn't something he was use too .From the usual drinks of beer and an occasional shots on whiskey and vodka. So instantly upon swallowing he began to choke and violently cough and gag.

"Hey you alright?" asked Robin

"Everything ok?" added Ted

He received pats on his back from the group and a few breathe statements here and there.

"Here's my water" Lily handed over her drink to Robin, who put a straw inside it for her husband " Here Barney take a sip"

After weeks of studying his brothers mannerisms, biography, and even his friends and memorizing it all, he seemed to have forgotten his love of a good scotch and brandy now and again. So it never occurred to him to test it.

"Jeez are you alright. Almost had me worried for a second" asked Robin. As she watched him take sips and gulps of the water. " Like you never had it before"

"I'm fine" he answered in a rasp voice.

"You sure cause I was pretty sure we almost lost you there for a second." Ted worried.

"Yeah no more drinking for you" Robin, took away his drink and dumped the remainder of it in her own cup.

"So you finished helping Carl with his inventory?" Marshall inquired.

Arnie unfortunately also didn't know that Barney had volunteered to help with a meaningless and trivial task of helping the bar manager with inventory work and cleaning.

"Nah, I'm not doing that"

"Wow, you seemed pretty stoked about it earlier " Lily leaned in over the table getting a look at his flustered face "What were you doing the last couple of hours if not that?"

Arnie smiled at her with almost an annoyed look, luckily he had thought of something before hand. "Will if you must know I went over to Baby Bogie across town and got your little miracle a baby present for your trip to Rome." He pulled out a receipt and slid it over to her, for a stroller that was very expensive. A black Silver cross Balmoral Pram the same kind that was used by most Royals and their heirs. And the exact same one they had took to with them to Rome.

"Oh, crap this thing cost 4,000 dollars, Barney your the best" Lily got up to hug her friend and kiss his cheek. "thanks". The feeling felt kind of nice, he thought.

"Yea but still" said Robin "You did volunteer to help out, you could of at least told him your sorry or you changed your mind"

"Why does it matter? it would be me.. doing a bunch of hard work, for little pay"

"What pay?, you were basically doing this for a non mobile line of credit"

"Even more so why I changed my mind" he looked over to her with a combatant voice.

"Okay we get it, no ones saying you have to, where just saying no matter how far we all move, will always come back and when we do we'd like to come back to this bar and the decent thing to do is at least apologize to Carl for bailing out on him." Marshall added bluntly tapping his hand on the table.

"Its a bar" Arnie said " If everyone's leaving, why does it matter if I say anything"

Not realizing again his comments and how much they weighed on the group. Their faces said it all, confused utterly lost and dazed In his statement. Being his brother he thought, wasn't hard. He already looked like him, even sounded and acted the same to an extinct. But one thing he couldn't pretend to be was someone who cared. Sometimes without realizing it, he would say things that left an unshakeable impression on peoples subconscious. Normally not always the good kind either. But then thought again, he had two options here: He could be ultimately the Barney Stinson everyone knew, the funny generous devious but honestly caring friend they all seemed to love and admired. Or ruin everything he's recently built towards. His marriage, his friends ,family, career. Everything and one, he's ever came into contact with, gone by the snap of a finger. He wanted nothing more desperately than for the good if he was being honest with himself. But then thoughts filled his head that quickly turned to anger. _Why?, Why does he deserve it all. Why should I play nice. He's always had nice and easy and..love. He's always had love._ Staring into the eyes of his friends even with the lost and confused look behind their eyes he could still see love. It was an overwhelming feeling and an unfamiliar one too. He thought to himself why try to understand it now, When there's so much he already missed out on. So he decided to sabotage it all. Bring down the noble name of Barney Stinson. Or what was left of it anyways.

"Y-you're joking right?" Asked Robin. "This bar is more than just some place we visit for a few drinks. This place has good food, good music.."

"Good laughs" added Marshall

"It's where we met" said Ted.

"Its where WE! met" finished Robin.

Arnie saw how much it was really getting to them. "Its a bar, you people are really grasping at straws here"

"Are you kidding me?" Robin yelled placing her fingers on her temples. Her voice echoed across the room. People suddenly halted and stared at the group for a moment before quickly returning to what they were doing.

"Does it look like I'm smiling?" Arnie answered with a stern and serious face. His friends looked back and fourth amongst each other then at him. They could only think, the audacity of this man to say such a thing was a new low even for Barney. He often joked at times but, this obviously was not one of them.

"So are you saying meeting me wasn't important to you, meeting us?" she motioned her hands around the group of people at the table. Each face looking more dreadful then the one next to it.

Apart of Arnie was laughing and smiling so hard deep down inside. If he showed it on his face, it would probably break. Right before he could Answer a loud and obnoxious cough came from the dark corner of the bar. He looked over to see cousin Charlie steering in his direction. He suddenly gets up from his table and walks into the restroom. Not removing his eyes from the Barney impersonator before entering the doors.

"Excuse me for a second" Arnie gets up from the table and walks towards the bathroom. Once inside he could see Charlie standing in front of a urinal.

"Is this some kind of strange ritual of yours, lore men to a bathroom and shatter their worlds." Arnie inquired staring at the back of the broad man " Is there a reason your still here, I thought our business was over with once you had him"

"Technically we don't have him, not yet. And you my friend" Charlie looked over his shoulder " Are about to blow it"

"If I recall, you guys told me do whatever I wanted." he took a few steps closer to him "Get revenge, play the "good son" he used air quotes. "Or did you forget on our agreement?"

"Firstly" cousin Charlie zipped his pants" No, we don't care nor did we forget." He walked over to the sink and pumped the soap dispenser 3 to 4 times. " However, until your brother is at the correctional facility of our choice, that being my cousin. We need you to turn it down a notch before you blow our cover." He turns on the water to wash his hands and stares at him thru the mirror , still talking " Right now everything you say out of place, they will misconstrue. And if they get the hint somethings not right or a miss. They'll start to ask questions . Then asking questions goes to observing, observing to collecting and gathering intel and finally." He turns off the water and grabs a few pieces of paper towels " Prison for us and Barney Stinson free again in the world."

"How on earth can they do all that in little under a week?" Arnie folds his arms and leans on the sink next to Charlie. "They have nothing, and even if they do find something by then Barney we be long gone, hell maybe even I will"

"Maybe" Charlie tilts his head "And then again maybe not. Not if some wise ass decides to go outside his character such as knocking over a liquor store, not sayin you would. But then any even bigger dumbasses wife, whose also a journalist decides to go snooping for facts. That she can easily get without lifting a finger. " he places his index finger in front of Arnie's face and then, SNAP! "So until he's booked and processed cool it. They can decide to do a number of things in between now and then, send him to a mental health clinic, give him a phone call or even extradite him somewhere else. Our men cant be everywhere to make sure he gets where he needs to be."

"Why not send one of your pigs on payroll to pick him up and take him in?" Arnie questions

"Because our people cost a little more, we have lawyers and judges to make sure he gets there but we need idiots that wont make it look suspect hes been patted and set up. " he leans in just a little closer to Arnie, there almost so close at this point he can see the refined lines around his lips , brows and forehead. And can smell the menthol escaping his mouth. "Anything can still happen Mr. Stinson, so give it time and apologize to your friends, and buy them around." he places a 100 dollar bill in his breast pocket "On me of course." he pats his shoulder and take his leave.

Arnie waits a few minutes before exiting himself and returning to the table. As he closes in he can still see concerned looks on his friends faces and their all surrounded in front of Robin. _She couldn't have already learned something , could she? Was he really that odd to them. so much that she went snooping for information ?_ He began to feel a slight panic attack come on. At this point he knew he had to do something, say anything or both for that matter. He quickly rushes over to them and attempts to plea.

"Hey look guys I'm sorry, I said some things I shouldn't have, it could have been some fumes I might have took in when taking the trash out earlier. I'll even go back and finish helping out Carl.."

"Barney" Robin interrupts holding the phone for him to take. "Its your mom, Jerome's in the hospital"

Arnie's eyes widen, and he felt as weak as new born child. Suddenly he trembled and his hands shook as he reached for the phone. And he could fill his eyes swell up and tears run hot down his cheeks. He holds the phone towards his ear and his mouth mumbles. "hey m-mom."


End file.
